Musings of the Kevin

Category: Socializing

  • Life at Sea (Repost)

    Life at Sea (Repost)

    Not sure who authored this originally, but it’s truly a classic.

    Some Ways to Simulate Being in the Navy

    1. Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbors have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five.
    2. Surround yourself with 200 people that you don’t really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, and use foul language like a child uses sugar on cereal.
    3. Unplug all radios and TVs to completely cut yourself off from the outside world. Have a neighbor bring you a Time, Newsweek, or Proceedings from five years ago to keep you abreast of current events.
    4. Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information (ex. plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc)
    5. Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40 people using the same commode.
    6. Lock the bathroom twice a day for a four hour period.
    7. Wear only military uniforms. Even though nobody cares, clean and press one dress uniform and wear it for 20 minutes.
    8. Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until you look bald or look like you lost a fight with a demented sheep.
    9. Work in 19-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night.
    10. Listen to your favorite CD 6 times a day for two weeks, then play music that causes acute nausea until you are glad to get back to your favorite CD.
    11. Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your rackmate’s socks.
    12. Set your alarm to go off at 10 minute intervals for the first hour of sleep to simulate the various times the watchstanders and nightcrew bump around and wake you up. Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure you are tossed around the remaining three hours. Make use of a custom clock that randomly simulates fire alarms, police sirens, helicopter crash alarms, and a new-wave rock band.
    13. Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your garage and wait two weeks before eating them.
    14. Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the spices you can grope for, or none at all. Remove the blindfold and eat everything in three minutes.
    15. Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting “fire, fire, fire” and then restore power.
    16. At least once a month, force the commode to overflow to simulate a ‘black water system’ boo-boo.
    17. Buy a gas mask and smear it with rancid animal fat. Scrub the faceshield with steel wool until you can no longer see out of it. Wear this for two hours every fifth day especially when you are in the bathroom.
    18. Study the owner’s manual for all household appliances. Routinely take an appliance apart and put it back together.
    19. Remove all plants, pictures and decorations. Paint everything gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks.
    20. Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet all the time.
    21. Smash your forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to simulate collision injuries sustained onboard Navy ships.
    22. When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days, or until it is hard and stale.
    23. Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port. Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes. Find the worst looking place, and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry. Drink as many as you can in four hours. Take a cab home taking the longest possible route. Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress funny and don’t speak right.
    24. Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit.
    25. Keep the bedroom thermostat at 2 deg C and use only a thin blanket for warmth.
    26. Ensure that the water heater is connected to a device that provides water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak trickle, with the temperature alternating rapidly from -2 to 95 deg C.
    27. Use only spoons which hold a minimum of 1/2 cup at a time.
    28. Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it or not.
    29. Remind yourself every day: ‘it’s not just a job, it’s an adventure!’
    30. Mix kerosene with your water supply to simulate the distilling plant on the ship picking up JP5 in the intake — if a lit match thrown into your coffee pot doesn’t ignite it, add more kerosene.
    31. Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you know read the morning paper out loud. Be sure to have him skip over anything pertinent.
    32. Every four hours, check the fluid level in your car’s radiator. Check the tire pressure and replace air lost from excessive pressure checks. Be sure to place red tag on ignition stating “DANGER: DO NOT OPERATE” while you perform these checks. Inform your neighbor as to the results of these checks, have him tell you to repeat the checks because he did not see you perform them.
    33. Paint your house grey (exterior) include windows except for rooms you do not frequent, paint your car grey, paint your driveway a different shade of grey.
    34. Wait outside your dining area as a family member eats a meal, then have that person serve you a meal prepared several hours earlier.
    35. Shut all blinds and doors at sunset.
    36. Clean your house ’till there’s absolutely not a speck of dust anywhere. Call on a stranger to come inspect your house. Ensure stranger sees dust that has collected in the time it took to find him. Stranger cannot leave until he finds irrational fault with your house/belongings.
    37. Hang Christmas lights in June. When the neighbors ask, say, “deceptive lighting.”
    38. Hang white lights when relatives visit. When neighbors ask, say, “friendship lights.”
  • A Special Type of Soldier

    A Special Type of Soldier

    At the request of the First Presidency, I had gone to England as coordinator for the LDS servicemen. One Saturday afternoon in 1944, I sent a telegram from London to the base chaplain near Liverpool letting him know that I would be in camp the next morning to conduct Mormon church services at 10:00 a.m.

    When I arrived at the camp, there were 75 Mormon boys, all in uniform and quite a number in battle dress. The chaplain to whom I had sent the wire proved to be a Baptist minister from the southern U. S. He, too, was waiting for my arrival. As these young men ran out to greet me not because it was I, but because of what I represented, and as they literally threw their arms around me, knowing I was representing their parents as well as the Church, the minister said, “Please tell me how you do it.”

    “Do what?”

    “Why,” he said, “I did not get your wire until late this morning. I made a hurried search. I found there were 76 Mormon boys in this camp. I got word to them. 75 of them are here. The other is in the hospital. I have more than 600 Baptist in this camp, and if I gave them 6 months notice, I could not get a response like that.”

    And then he repeated, “How do you do it?”

    I said, “Sir, if you will come inside, perhaps you will see.”

    We went in to the little chapel. The boys sat down. I asked, “How many here have been on missions?” I think a full 50% raised their hands.

    I said, “Will you and you and you” and I pointed to six of them “please come and administer the sacrament? And will you and you and you” and I pointed to six others “please come and sit here and be prepared to speak.”

    Then I said, “who can lead the music?” A number of hands were raised. “Will you come and lead the music? And who can play this portable organ?” There were several more hands, and one was selected. Then I said, “What would you like to sing, fellows?” With one voice they replied, “Come, Come Ye Saints!”

    We had no hymnbook. The boy sounded the chord: they all arose. I have heard “Come, Come Ye Saints” sung in many lands and by many choirs and congregations. Without reflecting adversely on what we usually hear I think I have only heard “Come, Come Ye Saints” sung that once when every heart seemed to be bursting. They sounded every verse without books.

    When they came to the last verse, they didn’t mute it; they didn’t sing it like a dirge but throwing back their shoulders, they sang out until I was fearful the walls would burst. “And should we die before our journey’s through, happy day, all is well”; I looked at my minister friend and found him weeping.

    Then one of the boys who had been asked to administer the sacrament knelt at the table, bowed his head, and said, “Oh, God, the Eternal Father.” He paused for what seemed to be a full minute, and then he proceeded with the rest of the blessing on the bread. At the close of that meeting, I sought that boy out. I put my arm around his shoulders, and said, “Son, what’s the matter? Why was it so difficult for you to ask the blessing on the bread?”

    He paused for a minute and said, rather apologetically, “Well, Brother Brown, it hasn’t been two hours since I was over the continent on a bombing mission. As we started to return, I discovered that my tail assembly was partly shot away, that one of my engines was out, that three of my crew were wounded, and that it appeared absolutely impossible that we could reach the shore of England.

    Brother Brown, up there I remembered Primary and Sunday School and MIA, and home and church, and up there when it seemed all hope was lost, I said, ‘Oh, God the eternal Father, please support this plane until we reach a landing field.’ He did just that, and when we landed, I learned of this meeting and I had to run all the way to get here. I didn’t have time to change my battle dress, and when I knelt there and again addressed the Lord, I was reminded that I hadn’t stopped to say thanks.

    Brother Brown, I had to pause a little while to tell God how grateful I was.”

    Well, we went on with the meeting. We sang. Prayers were offered, and these young men, with only a moment’s notice, each stood and spoke, preached the gospel of Jesus Christ to their comrades, bore their testimonies, and again I say with due respect—to the various ones with whom I have associated and labored—they were among the finest sermons I have ever heard.

    Then the time was up and I said, “Fellow, it’s time for chow. We must dismiss now, or you will miss your dinner.” With almost one voice they cried, “We can eat grub any time. Let’s have a testimony meeting!”

    So we stayed another hour and a half while every man bore witness to the truthfulness of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Each one in turn, and in his own way, said, “I know that God lives. I know that the gospel is restored. I know that Joseph was a prophet of God.” Again I looked at my friend, and he was weeping unashamedly.

    At the close of that meeting, this minister said, “I have been a minister for more than 21 years, and this has been the greatest spiritual experience of my life.”

    Hugh B. Brown

  • Life and Repentance

    Life and Repentance

    In the beginning before this world was, two plans were presented to the Father. One in which all in the world would be returned unto him and one in which man would be given his own free will with the ultimate result that some would regretfully be lost.

    AND I, the Lord God, spake unto Moses, saying: That Satan, whom thou hast commanded in the name of mine Only Begotten, is the same which was from the beginning, and he came before me, saying—Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor.

    But, behold, my Beloved Son, which was my Beloved and Chosen from the beginning, said unto me—Father, thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever.

    Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down;

    And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice.

    Pearl of Great Price | Moses 4:1 – 4

    Our agency, our free will, our ability to choose was the central focus of this “war” in Heaven. Each one of us sitting here today recognized the truthfulness of the Father’s plan and fought for the right to come here and exercise our own free will. Our Father wishes only the best for each of us. He asks us to serve one another, to love Him, and to follow His commandments. In return he promises us all that he has.

    This conflict for our will, our freedom to choose, continues in this world today. Our Father desires us to be free to make our own choices and Satan desires to trap us within the snares of our bad choices. As with any conflict, we choose sides. We choose sides through the choices we make and the actions we take each and every day. We must also remember that making a choice to do nothing is still a choice.

    As I mentioned before, since we are all here today, I know that each of us has made at least one right choice at the right time. Actually I can say that we have made a number of right choices.

    1. First off, we all chose to follow the Father’s plan in the pre-existence. We certainly knew what was at stake and we made that choice.
    2. For those who have reached the age of accountability, you have made the choice to baptized and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
    3. For those who are not yet members, you have made an equally vital choice to follow the promptings of the Spirit to investigate the Church further.
    4. For the priesthood holders, both young and old, you have made the choice to accept the oath and covenant of the priesthood; to serve the Lord for the benefit of those around you.
    5. For those who have received your Temple endowments, you have made a choice to live by higher laws. Celestial laws that Satan continually seeks to destroy.
    6. You all made the choice to come to Church when, I’m sure, there are many other things that you could be doing.

    Small choices, big choices, it doesn’t really matter. Our lives are essentially a continuing chain of choices and consequences. Had we the knowledge from our life before this mortal existence, I’m confident that these choices would come easy. We would be able to rely on our own experiences both here and there to make these decisions. BUT, the challenge in this life is that we are to live by faith which therefore necessitates that a veil be drawn between this place and that place. We now find it much harder to offer up and give our will back to the Lord. We become stubborn, self-centered, and selfish. We want to do what we want to do and not what we are counseled to do.

    So then lets shift gears a bit…let’s talk now about mistakes…

    To me, mistakes seem to be the result of this gift of agency, this freedom to choose. Sure, we can choose to allow that car in front of us to merge into our lane…OR…we can speed up and have them merge in behind us…after all, we should be first. We can choose to walk back into the store and return the money to the cashier because she gave us too much change…OR…we can keep walking because it was her mistake, not ours. When the activity committee asks for help in taking down chairs following an event, we can jump in and help…OR…make plans to leave early so we don’t have to help.

    Mistakes, poor choices, whatever you want to call it, we each have our moments, some more than others, when we really fail to love, serve, support, and care at the level we know that we should. These moments ebb and flow throughout our lives. I remember days past when I was actually the first one to volunteer when help was needed and the last one to leave an event after the cleanup was over. I remember days where I was the first person the Elders Quorum President would call because he knew I would be there when needed. Those days however are not these days. Thankfully, I know that there are those of you sitting here today that ARE those people that can be called upon and counted on whenever needed. Those who serve without anger, frustration, or aggravation.

    Each day is and must be a learning process. Every choice is an opportunity. Every experience is an occasion to grow. Treasure each one. Make the best of each one. However, these poor choices, these mistakes…how can we possibly recover from them?

    Some seem so small that they are just forgotten, some so big that they can never be forgotten.

    The emotional, physical, and spiritual baggage that results could bring us down to the depths of despair if allowed to run unchecked. I know that I have seen people dragged down as a result of choices like these…I know that each of you have probably seen the same…

    How do we recover? How do we find the will to go on? To do better? To do more? Especially when we know that we’re probably just going to mess something else up tomorrow…

    THIS is where the Lord patiently waits for us…he waits to support us in our time of need…we only need to turn to him and faithfully ask for his help…

    The repentance process helps us to heal from these mistakes and poor choices that we make each and every day. Anyone who has faithfully asked for and received this forgiveness knows of the weight that is lifted from you…

    This is how the repentance process works:

    1. We make a mistake or poor choice.
    2. We come to a realization that we are wrong.
    3. We take all the actions that we can possibly take to right the wrong.
    4. The Lord then does the rest.

    We then must go forth with the goal, with the intention, and with the desire to never do the wrong again…

    If we do so then we again will be made whole…

    Wherefore, thou shalt do all that thou doest in the name of the Son, and thou shalt repent and call upon God in the name of the Son forevermore.

    Pearl of Great Price | Moses 5:8

    For us as Latter-day Saints, repentance needs to be a part of daily life. None of us are perfect and we all have need to repent.

    Neil L. Andersen stated in the last General Conference,

    For most, repentance is more a journey than a one-time event. It is not easy. To change is difficult. It requires running into the wind, swimming upstream. Jesus said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.” Repentance is turning away from some things, such as dishonesty, pride, anger, and impure thoughts, and turning toward other things, such as kindness, unselfishness, patience, and spirituality. It is “re-turning” toward God.

    Hopefully your need for repentance is only for small things. If it is for something that feels larger, do not be afraid to seek the guidance of the Bishop. He does not serve alone within the bounds of his own knowledge or ability…the Lord sits with him and he, with the Lord’s help, can help you.

    But again, when the sin, mistake, or poor choice weighs heavily upon us, how do we go on?

    Brother Andersen continued,

    The scriptures do not say that we will forget our forsaken sins in mortality. Rather, they declare that the Lord will forget.

    The forsaking of sins implies never returning. Forsaking requires time. To help us, the Lord at times allows the residue of our mistakes to rest in our memory. It is a vital part of our mortal learning.

    As we honestly confess our sins, restore what we can to the offended, and forsake our sins by keeping the commandments, we are in the process of receiving forgiveness. With time, we will feel the anguish of our sorrow subside, taking “away the guilt from our hearts” and bringing “peace of conscience.”

    For those who are truly repentant but seem unable to feel relief: continue keeping the commandments. I promise you, relief will come in the timetable of the Lord. Healing also requires time.

    I personally have found that I have a greater need to DO good things and make good choices than I have to NOT do wrong things. When I’m standing well into the light it’s much more difficult to slip into the shadow of darkness. The hardest part is simply making the choice to do so. Choosing to do right…choosing to repent for wrongs…choosing right or wrong every minute of every day…

    It simply comes back to the same battle that started the war in the beginning before this world was…

  • Theatrix Productions in Virginia Beach

    Theatrix Productions in Virginia Beach

    Last night I saw a presentation of Les Misérables put on by Theatrix Productions.  I hadn’t ever attended one of their performances until this one and I’ve discovered that this group is a real hidden gem if you enjoy the theater.  If you’ve never before seen a live performance like this, Theatrix presents a great opportunity for you to see a quality show with little fuss.

    The Barry Robinson Theater located at Bishop Sullivan High School in Virginia Beach is small and intimate.  It’s a very nice venue and I don’t think there is a bad seat in the house.  Ticket prices are low and there are great sponsors who support the group.  The costumes and sets were awesome and it was obvious that the group takes their performances very seriously.

    Theatrix Productions takes you into a world that will amaze you.  As the lights dim and the action begins, you will find yourself immersed in a production more reminiscent of Broadway than community children’s theatre. Theatrix is truly a performer’s musical theatre where children experience a new level of excellence in performance.  At Theatrix children and teens enter a community where they are accepted, encouraged and given the tools to develop both characters with intrigue on stage and character with integrity in life.

    It was a terrific performance and the cast and crew were very professional.  I walked away pretty much disbelieving that this was an amateur theater performance.  I can say for certain that this will not be the last show I attend.

    Source: Theatrix Productions

  • The Companionship of the Holy Ghost

    The Companionship of the Holy Ghost

    The “Light of Christ” granted to all men helps us to recognize truth, but receiving the “Gift of the Holy Ghost” entitles us to his constant companionship if we remain worthy. Nephi states that “Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ…Feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do”

    He will be with you, always, so you will no longer need to feel alone in dark places; including not only the ones that find us but also the ones we find or create for ourselves. You will no longer have a need to feel lonely, angry, or frustrated. You can and should learn to keep more of a focus on the eternal perspective; why we are here, our purpose in being here.

    Indeed, “Men are that they might have joy.” We may still fall, from time to time, into misery and despair but we can know how to get back; know that God loves us no matter what and we can feel that love for ourselves. As a husband and father the Holy Ghost has helped me to sleep at night and have the courage to get out of bed the next morning. It’s more than just having a conscience; He is and has been a close personal friend.

    As I’ve told many times before, I’d taken the missionary discussions three times before I was actually baptized. It took joining the Navy and essentially losing everything I had before I could hear the Lord calling out to me; I had to be able to listen …and that’s when I knew; after all the other distractions were gone.

    I do, however, remember darker days since then…

    A daughter lying in a hospital bed battling for her life…
    Quiet times in the hospital with my mother in her last days…
    The first holidays without grandma being a part of them…

    Though it wasn’t easy in the least little bit, the light from the Lord through the presence of the Holy Ghost eventually gave me the strength to come back fully into the light…it would have been so easy on so many occasions to just give up to bitterness, anger, frustration…and in some cases I did…

    We do have to remember that His companionship is not unconditional; I highly encourage you to keep a journal (starting today?) and remember how you feel today. If you ever forget how you feel today you may end up rather lost and find it much more difficult to find your way back.

    Robert D. Hales said, “He cannot be with us if we are angry in our hearts, contentious with our companions, or critical of the Lord’s anointed. He departs whenever we are rebellious, are immoral, dress or act immodestly, are unclean or profane in mind or body, are slothful in priesthood callings and duties, or commit other sins, for ‘the Spirit of the Lord doth not dwell in unholy temples’.” We must continue to earn his companionship everyday by making right choices and walking the straight and narrow path. He can be back in an instant if we ask, listen, and repent as necessary; but just as quickly we can be left to our own devices.

    He will warn us of danger, give us strength in our trials, testify of truth, and help us to recognize true happiness when we find it. That’s what the Holy Ghost is to me…happiness…even in trials…even in pain…

    President Hinckley said, “If we keep the commandments ‘the Holy Ghost shall be [our] constant companion’ (D&C 121:46) to buoy us up, to teach us, lead us, comfort us, and sustain us. To obtain this companionship, we need to ask for it, to live for it, to be loyal to the Lord.”

    Live your life to the level of happiness you are qualified for as a son (or daughter) of Heavenly Father…the Holy Ghost will tell you how and will be your guide…if you; if all of us just listen and follow…

  • To all the kids who survived the 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, & 60’s

    To all the kids who survived the 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, & 60’s

    Copied via email from a friend…

    First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

    Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

    We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

    As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

    Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

    We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

    We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

    We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren’t overweight. WHY?

    Because we were always outside playing…

    We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.

    We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

    We did not have PlayStations, Nintendos and Xboxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.

    We had friends and we went outside and found them!

    We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.

    We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.

    We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

    We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

    We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

    Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment.

    The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

    These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever.

    The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

    We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

    If YOU are one of those born between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!

    You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

    While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

    Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it?

    The quote of the month by Jay Leno:

    “With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?”

    Related Articles