Musings of the Kevin

Author: Kevin

The Difficult Trail to Truth
Corinthians 10:13, states that “… God … will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able …” – I hear this verse oft quoted by well meaning friends and family. They say that we will not be given burdens greater than we can carry. Too many forget the rest of this particular verse; “… with the temptation [will] also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
Too many make the mistake of of assigning responsibility for ailments, burdens, or crises in life directly to a loving Father in heaven. A Father who, in being all-knowing, is mistakenly blamed for adversity simply because He knows it’s coming.
I’m not implying that He doesn’t place difficult challenges in our path for the expressed purpose of our eternal growth, but I’m saying that many things that happen to us are wrongfully attributed to Him. Many things resulting from our choices, the choices of others, or simply mortality are assumed to be burdens divinely sent from above.
We also assume that we’re expected to carry these burdens alone. Galatians 6:5 clearly says as much, “For every man shall bear his own burden.” Context however is important. The verses before and after in Galatians and in Proverbs 9:12 clearly indicate that we have a choice and that being Christ-like involves carrying each other’s burdens. Accepting the help of others, recognizing the hand of the Lord in preparing us for future events, and recognizing past life events that strengthened us for this day are all equivalent to reaching out to Him, for “… His hand is stretched out still.”
By knowing what lies ahead of us; either due to a challenge of our own making, due to the agency of another, or due to His divine purpose; He provides help along the way. Many times this help is provided in advance of the crisis – friends to help support in the time of need, skills allowing us to resolve the issue, or strength simply to endure – all intended as mitigations to carry us through.
His intent may not be that the burden is “easy” to bear in human terms – ease doesn’t lead to strength and growth – but His intent is likely to provide the opportunity for us to faithfully endure.
Recognizing His hand in adversity is a challenge. Our hearts, minds, and bodies are too frequently so overwhelmed by our current crisis that we may not see His hand. In these times, we may even simply struggle to believe that He could help.
My advice; from the depths of doubt, discouragement and despair, ask your questions and dare to believe. Share your hurt. Dare to believe that even you can receive an answer.
This belief will lead to hope.
This hope will lead to faith.
Faith will lead to trust.
Trust will lead to truth.
That truth? That His hand is stretched out still. Always. Even for you.
March 5, 2020
Relationships Matter
Relationships matter so much.
Over the last few years I’ve grown rather tired of “culture” and “tradition” when they describe thoughts and actions that lead towards the exclusion of someone different than “the norm.” I see it frequently at work, Church and elsewhere. We all think we’re right and that we’re doing the right thing by explaining to someone how to do things “the right way” or how to “act like everyone else” and not stand out.
All too often this trail of thoughts and actions leads to an apparent inability to just accept people for who they are instead of feeling a need to “fix” and force people into molds of our making. Everybody doesn’t have to be like us, or think like us, or look like us.
We can do better.
If we don’t do better we’re just going to push people away and create bigger divisions everywhere we go. Nobody wins in that scenario.
Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. Disagreement shouldn’t mean dislike. Love for our fellowman should be predicated on two things – that we are all fellow travelers on the road of life and that we all are of the same Heavenly parentage.
August 27, 2019
Choosing to Be of Good Cheer
We are, or at least should be, a people of vision and faith.
President Eyring, in the October 2017 General Conference shared that “it takes faith to believe that the resurrected Lord is watching over the daily details of His kingdom. It takes faith to believe that He calls imperfect people into positions of trust. It takes faith to believe that He knows the people He calls perfectly, both their capacities and their potential, and so makes no mistakes in His calls.”
Though referencing Church callings, this same guidance is more than appropriate for the less formal callings we receive in day-to-day life such as as mother, father, son, daughter, friend, and so on…possibly even asking ourselves whether or not we’ve been called into the world into the right time or the right place.
I currently work in shipbuilding and maintenance. Nimitz Class aircraft carriers, one of the most complex pieces of machinery ever designed by man, were designed before I was born. With the technology of the day they certainly had an idea about what the ship would ultimately look like but not necessarily what it would look like at each interim stage of construction. In other words, they had final drawings but not a drawing for every conceivable intermediate stage of construction. During construction, I’m sure they uncovered issues for which they hadn’t explicitly planned. Regardless, they knew what the final product was supposed to look like and what it was supposed to do so they could, with that vision in mind, develop solutions to satisfy the end goal. The “goal” was not to solve the particular problem of the day but to build a warship.
The point I’m attempting to make is that for tasks or trials so complex we must maintain a vision of the end goal while dealing with routine, or not so routine, challenges be they small or large, simple or serious. Dealing with or solving daily trials and challenges isn’t and shouldn’t be the actual goal. If we spend our lives reveling in problem solving then we may just miss the point.
In this comparison there are parallels with the Plan of Salvation. When we live our lives with a Christ centered focus, we are looking forward to the end goal, to be like Him. When we lose ourselves in day-to-day trials, we may come to feel buried beyond the hope of rescue or possibly even numbed to the point of not feeling at all.
Manufacturers building parts for a ship may not know all the details of the final ship design. Regardless they design their parts against standards that will ensure the final component will fit in the space provided and perform the function for which it’s intended. They know the functionality that they provide will support the ultimate mission of the ship. This is not really that much different than the guidance, or “specifications,” we get from the Scriptures telling us how to best live our lives and truly become more Christ-like.
In our lives, today, we should be working to ensure we’re meeting the “specifications” to ensure that we will fit in the final design which the Lord has envisioned. We may not be able to see right now how or where we will fit but the Scriptures provide all we need to know about the functionality we should provide.
As ships age, and for aircraft carriers this is a 50 year life-cycle, new technologies emerge, new threats emerge, and we are able to then take the original design and adapt it to perform functions that were not previously envisioned by its designers. Knowing and understanding the scriptural “specifications” can allow us to be molded by our Creator who, in difference to ship designers, actually does know what we each individually need to meet our ultimate design.
As we move through our lives, we’ll face trials and challenges. Some divinely inspired, some a result of our own actions, and some a result of the actions and agency of others. Regardless of the source, we cannot allow ourselves to become so lost in the struggle that it’s all we see. We’re counseled to fast, pray, and read the Scriptures because those are the things that will help us to see, and hopefully have a vision of, the real goal. We’re counseled to serve one another because it allows us to see ourselves as He sees us.
Each day we change. Each day we learn more about ourselves. The world around us also changes and the Lord gives us experience and help so that we have what we need to become what He knows we already are…children of an immortal and eternal Father in Heaven.
Regardless of the challenges we face each day, our goal should be the same; to try and see what He sees in us and others – to support one another along the journey of life – to care for one another.
Depression, anger, and frustration are all feelings that can result from seeing solutions to life’s problems as finish lines vice refining steps along the path. We shouldn’t ever feel that we are just one or two decisions away from an “easy” life. If we do, we will quickly find disappointment and despair. We are here to be tried and challenged and that really isn’t a bad thing.
In the most recent General Conference, Elder Christofferson shared that “It is challenging but vital to remain firm and steadfast when we find ourselves being refined “in the furnace of affliction,” something that comes soon or late to all of us in mortality. Without God, these dark experiences tend to despondency, despair, and even bitterness. With God, comfort replaces pain, peace replaces turmoil, and hope replaces sorrow. Remaining firm in the faith of Christ will bring His sustaining grace and support. He will convert trial into blessing and, in Isaiah’s words, “give … beauty for ashes.””
In this week’s “Come Follow Me” lesson, President Ezra Taft Benson teaches that “Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson [2014], 42). Adapting a comment commonly attributed to Michelangelo; the Master Sculptor, in this case referring to our Father in Heaven, is regularly chipping away the unnecessary stone to reveal the work of art that is already present within the stone – within each of us. We need to have faith enough to be obedient and let Him do it.
A few days ago, Elder Rasband in a devotional for Church Educational System (CES) leaders, stated that “The Lord lifts His servants, telling them to be of “good cheer.” To be of good cheer is to trust Him when things don’t work as we planned,” he said. “It means to soldier on when difficult twists take us in unexpected directions, when tragedy and hardship shatter our dreams.”
Make a choice to be of “good cheer” and trust the Lord in the face of adversity and trial. He may not solve the problem for you. He may not give you what you want. He will however give you what you need.
February 10, 2019
Ministering in Our Day
A few short weeks ago, the leadership of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced a change in the way we minister to one another. They completely did away with the “program” or what we used to call Home Teaching and Visiting Teaching. Home and Visiting Teaching essentially administered our ministering efforts and I personally feel free from what I felt were unnecessary burdens of the old program.
What completely baffles me is how many of my peers in the Church seem to think that we can’t possibly minister to each other without burdensome “ad-ministering” of our efforts. It’s gotten bad enough that I feel that the title “Ministering” is simply the name of a new stick I’m to get beaten with every Sunday.
During the announcement of the change at the last General Conference, Sister Jean B. Bingham, Relief Society General President made the following statement:
Ministering looks like elders quorum and Relief Society presidencies prayerfully counseling about assignments. Rather than leaders just handing out slips of paper, it looks like counseling about the individuals and families in person as assignments are given to ministering brothers and sisters. It looks like going for a walk, getting together for a game night, offering service, or even serving together. It looks like visiting in person or talking on the phone or chatting online or texting. It looks like delivering a birthday card and cheering at a soccer game. It looks like sharing a scripture or quote from a conference talk that would be meaningful to that individual. It looks like discussing a gospel question and sharing testimony to bring clarity and peace. It looks like becoming part of someone’s life and caring about him or her. It also looks like a ministering interview in which needs and strengths are discussed sensitively and appropriately. It looks like the ward council organizing to respond to a larger need.
Ministering is caring about one another; it’s not a program. We need to stop comparing it to what we “used” to do. We need to care about something other than administration, stop focusing on ourselves, and start moving forward vice looking back.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stated that:
…we have a heaven-sent opportunity as an entire Church to demonstrate “pure religion … undefiled before God”—“to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light” and to “comfort those that stand in need of comfort,” to minister to the widows and the fatherless, the married and the single, the strong and the distraught, the downtrodden and the robust, the happy and the sad…
We can’t effectively do this as a unified team as long as we’re bickering about what “Ministering” actually means. My recommendation: let’s stop talking about it and just start doing it.
June 24, 2018
Fathers Don’t Stand Alone
Before I begin, I want to make perfectly clear that nothing I’m sharing is intended to take anything at all away from being a woman and mother. That said, my comments are focused in large part on men and fathers but the counsel is generally be applicable to all.
Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.
Frank Pittman
An acknowledgement; we all feel insecure, we all feel not good enough, we all feel like everyone else has it together better than us. We feel overweight, under appreciated, overworked and misunderstood. We all disingenuously represent ourselves to our families, coworkers and peers so as to make everyone think we’re doing just fine; that we don’t need any help because we’ve got it all covered. We all cheat the rules from time to time; none of us are perfect.
Taking all that into account, we are then instructed by the Lord to teach our children in the way that they should go. Are these things really what we want to teach them? I figure our parents taught us, their parents taught them, and so on. We say that we want our children to be genuine and open and honest and true with us but is that really what they see in us? In our family councils, when times are hard, have we openly talked about where the next meal is coming from, how we’re going to put gas in the car or pay the rent? Do our children actually know of our struggles; our worries? Do these things really need to be secrets?
I’m not in any way saying that we need to have a unloading session with our kids but, good or bad, we are who we are today as a result of the things we learned and experienced yesterday and are experiencing now. How we deal with day-to-day issues and crises matters to us, our families and, most importantly, to our kids. If those experiences and lessons are not shared in an appropriate way then are we really teaching them the way they should go? Kids learn to see through smoke screens and lip service. They ultimately do the same things we do, taking each day at a time, learning as they go. My proposal to you is that we become fellow travelers vice only tour guides. They bring their own lifetimes worth of experiences; experiences that include those they brought with them into this world and, as a result, they sometimes have a completely different viewpoint than we do. We can learn from them.
As part of their development, children most certainly need rules, they need to know what the boundaries are and what the consequences may be if they don’t abide by those limits. They need to understand the limits and that understanding has to change as they age and mature. That understanding is different for each and every child. Without doubt, it will be different than it was for us. They are not us.
My father didn’t tell me how to live. He lived and let me watch him do it.
Clarence Budington Kelland
We don’t need to try and protect our kids from each and every unique experience. They are going to walk a path that will ultimately make them who they are to be despite our best efforts at choreography. They are going to sometimes make mistakes, fail and feel bad. Many times their decisions will result in good things. We should educate them sufficiently through our own example so that they know how to make their own decisions, good or bad, and deal with the consequences. We need to help them to recognize long term happiness over that which is fleeting. There isn’t any magical method to determine what these unique experiences may be or when they will occur which is why we need to faithfully go to the Lord and ask his help in raising them.
As parents, we are essentially required to learn on the fly when we need to be more heavily involved. Our children must be taught how to be responsible for their own actions. How and when we teach these concepts varies with each child. I’m grateful I didn’t have to figure this all out on my own but, on far too many occasions, I admittedly tried.
As a child, I feel was fairly free to make my own decisions. It worked for me. That approach may not have worked as well for my younger sister but, even though she required a stronger hand and led a rougher life in some ways, she turned out to be an incredible person, an incredible Mom, with an awesome family.
Every father should remember one day his son will follow his example, not his advice.
Charles Kettering
Based on how my parents raised me, I’ve tried to allow my children to deal with the consequences of their own actions and then figure out when and how I needed to be involved. None of us walk the same path, our kids are not us and we will be significantly less successful as a parent if we try to make them us rather than caring for them individually as the Lord understands and individually cares for us.
The Lord treasures agency, we need to teach our children the value of agency. They need to know that their decisions matter and are essential to learning in this life and in achieving eternal life with our Father in Heaven. They need to understand that their actions are not taken in a vacuum and nearly always affect other people. They need to own their decisions and take responsibility when they impact others. We need to teach them to forgive quickly when the actions of others impact them.
It’s not important for our kids to be perfect angels at all times and in all places; it’s more important that they have a relationship with us and with their Father in Heaven. This needs to be a bond that can withstand the test of time and the trials of life. Through this relationship they should learn how to love and care for others. They should learn how to love and care for themselves. They need to know how to communicate with us and with their Father in Heaven.
Do we effectively teach our kids how to tell where they stand with their Father in Heaven? Do they know how to go to their Father in Heaven with an accounting of where they think they are? Do they feel confident He is there to assist them, individually? Will they trust the guidance they receive? Will they recognize it? Do we ourselves know this and do we believe it applies to us?
The lone father is not a strong father. Fathering is a difficult and perilous journey and is done well with the help of other men.
John L. Hart
No matter how you look at it; life, parenting, or the safety and security of our families; it’s a teaming effort. The home is the center of the team. We never really become experts and I certainly haven’t always succeeded at this. A lot of my kid’s support was provided by others because I wasn’t always in a position to provide it for one reason or another. Ministering, yesterday, today and tomorrow is about caring and love, is that what we offer to our children? Do we get so wrapped up in everything else that we shortchange our families?
Even with all the challenges they face in today’s world our kids do good things. We need to acknowledge those things. That said, we need to be careful and thoughtful with our accolades. Don’t get so twisted around applause that we cheapen our compliments. When we acknowledge an achievement it should matter, to them. Recognize our kids, not for what we “force” them to do but for the good they “choose” to do, make your praise matter. Focus on the good that resulted from their actions. They need to know that they are capable of achieving goodness through their own choices and decisions and not just through forced compliance.
Children need models rather than critics.
Joseph Joubert
We should never amplify our criticisms; a continued string of statements that indicate that they never do anything right simply pushes them away. Just because they don’t do things the way we do most certainly doesn’t mean that what they’ve done is wrong so don’t make them feel that way. We cannot criticize our children into obedience or understanding. If behavior needs correction, do it appropriately and then show love quickly. Through our tender guidance they should feel the tender mercies of the Lord.
If we want them to be genuine with us then we should be genuine with them and trust them. Trust them to make the right decisions. Trust them to accept and offer criticism that is fair and kindly delivered. Teach them their true value and show them their capacity for goodness and kindness.
We want them to be Christlike. We start with simple things like being nice, being good, being obedient and build from there. Tell them why things in their lives are the way they are. Be diligent in our own Gospel study and in our callings. Let them see it. Get them involved in it. Tell them, or better show them, that obedience doesn’t have to mean being boring and unimaginative.
Remember also that we can learn from them – really listen to their thoughts and concerns, consider it customer feedback or customer satisfaction. They need to know that what they have to say matters, don’t cheapen their feedback but instead try to understand it. Challenging, yes; but so very worth it in the long run.
The Lord is on our side, we are not alone in this parenting endeavor and we don’t have to try to figure it all out alone. Just like Him, we’ll have to learn to cope with disobedience and disappointment, so just get over it and deal. OUR kids will not be anymore perfect than HIS kids already are. He knows exactly what your dealing with as a parent.
Don’t be overbearing but earnestly strive to do your best, it will be good enough. Don’t get down because everything doesn’t go your way. Don’t lose faith when disaster happens. Never, ever think that you have been forsaken. Our Father in Heaven is and always will be ready and able to come to your aid – no different than what you would do for your children.
Never lose sight of what is was like to be a child, learning about your place in the world. No matter how hard life gets, no matter how weighty the decisions we have to make, and no matter how old we are, we cannot allow ourselves to forget that a stick can be a sword, a handkerchief can be a cape, and a blanket and some chairs can be a fort or even a castle.
There are miracles happening around us but we don’t always choose to see them. We get so busy “adulting” that we don’t always see the world around us as it actually is. Take time and allow yourself to see the miracles. Most of all, don’t blind your kids to the miracles and the amazing world in which we live. If you need a blessing, get one. If your stressed out, talk to someone. Need a good cry, let it flow. Even as fearless men, slayers of dragons, we must realize that we can’t be everything for everyone all the time.
Relationships matter when attempting to teach human beings—whether you’re a parent, teacher, boss, or friend. We need to have people we trust in this life. We need to trust our Father in Heaven. And we need to be of a proper character that people can trust us. In our quest we must be cognizant of our own condition; physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.
The author and molecular biologist John Medina explains that, quite literally, severe stress can cause damage in brain tissues most likely to help us succeed in life. As a result, it can ruin relationships and push us far, far away from our Eternal Father who does now, always will, and always has loved us beyond measure.
He states that depression is a really disruption of thought processes, including memory, language, reasoning, intelligence, and perception. One of its hallmarks may not be familiar unless you are or have been afflicted with depression – many people who feel depressed feel that there is no way out. They feel that life’s trials are permanent and that things will never get any better.
In contrast, Nephi states in 2 Nephi 26;
25 Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price.
26 Behold, hath he commanded any that they should depart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship? Behold, I say unto you, Nay.
27 Hath he commanded any that they should not partake of his salvation? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but he hath given it free for all men; and he hath commanded his people that they should persuade all men to repentance.
28 Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.
No one was sent here to be alone and to fend for themselves. Dads, this means you too. Trust your wives, tell them what worries you. Trust your children, tell them why you worry about them. Whether you know it or not they worry about you when you’re struggling.
We are here together to work together as a team. We need to trust and be trustworthy. We need to love and be loved. We need to care. Our imperfections don’t matter. We need to be genuine with each other and walk along together, towards the brightest of futures, firm in the faith that our Lord and Savior has made our ultimate perfection possible.
My appreciation to John Medina and Brett & Kate Mckay for insights that contributed to my thoughts above.
June 16, 2018
Jerry Is My Friend
I will miss Jerry; in a world where so many give up and give in so quickly, his “I can do it” mentality was a refreshing contrast. Things didn’t always work out the way he wanted but he didn’t give up often or easily. He tried to do all he could and then some…and he wasn’t shy about bringing others along with him either. That was one of his incredible strengths.
Jerry had hope in a better future; that the things he did or didn’t do in this life had an impact on whatever came next. He didn’t come to this understanding right away but a lifetime of experience gave him a testimony that it was so. Learning from his example, we should have faith and also believe in the hope of a better future. Our futures lead ultimately to a glorious resurrection, our spirits restored to our bodies never again to be separated.
As we study and ponder that which the Lord would have us do, it’s vitally important that we consider the context of divine guidance we’re given; the simple fact that He sees us as we truly are. He doesn’t see us with mortal earthly eyes as we see ourselves. He doesn’t see the flaws and the physical limitations. He doesn’t see our bad attitudes and scowls. He knows, without doubt, what we are truly capable of becoming because he can see it now, today, in each of us.
Our life, our purpose; it’s all about learning to see what He sees and not limiting our vision to mere earthly perspective. We need to change and grow to the potential the Lord sees in us. We have to overcome the limitations we see in ourselves as well as limitations others may choose to see or impose on us. We need to strive to see what Christ sees. In ourselves and each other.
The Gospel leads us to this concept of change, a concept we too often misinterpret as learning to “act” differently, but the real message is simply genuine and sincere change. The daily “acts” we perform should inspire us to transform ourselves and turn our wills to the Lord. We all have the capability to change but the process isn’t really the same for any of us. It will be easier for some and that’s okay. None of us walk the same path.
I have no doubt that, in advance of his coming to earth, Jerry had a vision of what he wanted to achieve. He knew in that prior life that his earthly life was going to have challenges. He had a vote and he chose to come here and live the life he was given. Knowing the cost, the pain, and the suffering, he still came.
He knew there was to be great joy as well.
He came with a vision of a new day, a new glorious day. A day when his eternal spirit would reunite with his body and he would be raised to eternal life with his family. He knew it would take perseverance, endurance, and faith to achieve. He knew it would be a marathon and not a sprint.
Day-to-day we can get so wrapped up in worrying about what we think the Lord intends for us, trying to find some “perfect” path, so much so that we might not realize just how much our simple decisions matter. We really need to worry less about choosing the “perfect” path and simply choose what we think is right in each moment we’re given. The Lord doesn’t orchestrate one single perfect path for us. He holds agency very dear and he’s not going to override our agency in order to make only one decision, or one path, right for us and our future.
In some ways Jerry walked a very rough path. He questioned sometimes where he was on his path but kept moving forward. He just kept making the best decisions he could, right or wrong, given the circumstances and, when not right, he’d reset and move forward again. The Lord certainly knows the path we’ll each take but He forces us down no specific path.
With prayer and faith, we can be successful and we can overcome hardships. As with Jerry, the hardships we face may not always be overcome in this life but we can ultimately overcome them through the Atonement. Even so, we are all blessed with the capability to be happy in our given circumstances; here, today. We can do it. I think Jerry did it.
As mortal beings we are fixed in single moments, the Lord is not. He sees us in the limitless frame of eternity. The miracle of forgiveness leads us to an infinite Atonement that allows a lifetime of imperfect steps to lead us to a perfected eternal life with our Father in Heaven. If we commit ourselves to do so, we each have the capability to walk a path that leads us home. We do not and will never travel the path alone.
On Jerry’s path, as with all of us, many things didn’t work out perfectly; but many did. He tried to be happy with what he was given and with what he accomplished. We each are celestial beings with divine heritage and, as far as I’m concerned, Jerry embodied that; not because he was any more or less perfect than the rest of us, but because he kept trying despite things that didn’t go the way he wanted them to. Even though his physical condition continued to deteriorate, he kept doing everything he could until he couldn’t.
Too often, many of us give in at early signs of resistance and that just wasn’t Jerry’s way. Jerry is and has been a good friend and he’s set an example that I would like to emulate. I have no doubt that he’s already hard at work preparing for that wonderful day when we will all see one another again.
April 12, 2018